The Human Library
Losing a Parent
Lost a parent in their twenties.
What happened
My mother died when I was 26 — not suddenly, but not slowly enough that I was ever really ready either. There's no age where you're actually prepared to lose the person who's been there since before you have memories of anything else.
What I wish people understood
That grief doesn't end when the casseroles stop coming and everyone else's life goes back to normal. The world moved on in about two weeks. Mine didn't, and I felt strange and a little ashamed that I couldn't keep up with how fast everyone expected me to be okay.
What helped
Letting the grief be as messy and non-linear as it actually was, instead of trying to grieve "correctly." A friend who kept checking in months later, after everyone else had stopped. Talking to her out loud sometimes, even though she couldn't answer.
What didn't help
"She's in a better place" and other lines meant to comfort me that mostly made me feel like I wasn't allowed to just be angry that she was gone. Being expected to have "moved on" by any specific date.
What I know now
That I didn't get over losing her — I learned to carry it differently. It's lighter than it was, but it never fully leaves, and I've stopped expecting it to.
One thing I want someone else to hear
There's no correct timeline for missing someone. However long it's taking you is how long it's taking you.