Closing Off Closes Doors, Too
Keeping some things to yourself isn't a problem. But closing off entirely — going quiet every time, deflecting every real question — teaches the people who love you that asking won't get them anywhere. Eventually, most of them stop asking. Not because they stopped caring. Because they ran out of ways to reach you that you hadn't already closed.
Why this matters
Self-protection and isolation can look identical from the outside, but they function completely differently over time. A boundary says "not this, not now" and leaves the door open. Chronic deflection says "don't bother" — and people tend to believe it, eventually, even when it's the opposite of what's actually true. The silence meant to protect a relationship can be the exact thing that quietly ends it.
What this looks like in real life
- Someone deflects "how are you" so consistently, for so long, that people around them genuinely stop asking — and then they feel hurt that no one asks anymore.
- A person mistakes not burdening anyone for strength, without noticing that it's also slowly removing everyone's ability to actually be there for them.
- Someone lets one honest answer through, expecting it to push people away, and instead finds it's the thing that finally lets someone back in.
Questions to ask yourself
- 1.Has anyone stopped asking how you're doing? What might that actually mean?
- 2.What would it cost you to let one real answer through, to one person, this week?
Try this today
The next time someone asks how you're doing, resist the reflex to say "fine" — say one true thing instead, even a small one.